I recently sat with a successful business couple during one of our planning sessions. As usual, I asked the more vocal partner - in this case, the husband who ran their engineering firm - to do something - politely of course - that always raises eyebrows: be quiet and listen.

What followed was fascinating. His wife, who had been silently supporting their business journey for two decades, spoke about her hopes and concerns for the first time in a professional setting. She talked about watching her own parents work tirelessly in their family business, only to have health issues force an abrupt and messy transition. She shared her fear of seeing history repeat itself.

Her husband sat there, pen frozen mid-note, clearly hearing some of these deeply held fears and concerns voiced out loud for the first time.

This scene plays out more often than you might imaging. In my years of working with business owners and their partners, I've noticed a consistent pattern: there's usually one partner who drives the business conversations, makes the plans, and sets the direction. And then there's the other partner - equally invested, equally affected or devastated by decisions, but rarely given the same platform to share their perspective.

It's not that the quieter partner doesn't have opinions or insights. Often, they have been observing, thinking, and forming views for years. They see things from a different angle - sometimes catching blind spots that the more active partner has missed. They often bring a broader perspective, thinking beyond business metrics to consider family impacts, personal wellbeing, and long-term sustainability.

But here's what's interesting: when you create the space for these unheard voices, something remarkable happens. I've seen entire succession plans pivot after a quiet partner finally voiced their concerns. I've watched business owners completely rethink their work-life balance after hearing their partner's hopes for their shared future. One couple even sold their orchard - a decision that had been silently weighing on them for years - after the quieter partner finally felt empowered to question why they were holding onto it.

The challenge isn't usually about relationship dynamics - many of these couples have strong, healthy partnerships. It's more about the roles we naturally fall into. The business-focused partner feels responsible for driving decisions, while the other partner often feels their role is to support those decisions rather than challenge or redirect them.

Breaking this pattern requires intention. It means creating moments where roles are temporarily suspended, where the usual decision-maker becomes the listener, and where the supporter becomes the voice that leads the conversation.

 I've learned to start these sessions with the quieter partner for a reason. Not just because they often have valuable insights, but because their perspective tends to be more holistic. While the business-active partner might focus on growth strategies or operational challenges, the quieter partner often brings up the questions that matter most: Are we happy? Are we heading where we really want to go? What are we sacrificing along the way?

 These aren't comfortable conversations. They require vulnerability from both partners - one to speak up, the other to truly listen. But time and again, I've seen these moments become turning points in the lives of couples in business together.

 That's why I have evolved and developed our Aspirations Mapping process. It provides a structured space where both partners can explore and articulate their deeper aspirations equally, ensuring every voice is heard. If you're ready to have these important conversations with your partner, perhaps it's time we explored what matters most to both of you.